As I continue this journey of writing and exploring, I keep asking myself, “What’s the point?” Creating things is a struggle and it’s one that I’m addicted to. The problem arises in the validation of these creations. Questions pop up like, “How many views did I get? How many people liked or shared it? I worked really hard on this…does anyone care?” The issue with being creative is that the voice in our heads is our worst critic and it’s the voice that is always there, even when we turn the phone off. So I keep asking myself, “What’s the point of my new venture?” I think I’ve finally landed on it: The truth. I am telling my story of how I came to live in the truth.
Since I was very small, I had the gift of speaking. I started talking at 7 months old, much to my mother’s dismay I’m sure, and haven’t shut up since. Most of the time, I love the sound of my own voice and I used to think this was a bad thing but now I’m learning it’s not. It’s a gift I’ve been given that can HELP others – that’s the truth. I’ve also been blessed with the gift of creativity. As a child I would make things out of K-Nex (better than Legos) and I wouldn’t look at the instructions because I wanted to make my own version of a plane, a boat, or a house. It’s my belief that conformity kills creativity and as such, we need to cultivate creativity when we see it. These are all the true things about my identity. So how did it all go wrong?
I started believing the small voices in my head that said, “You’re not good enough. You’re weird. You’ll fail. No one likes you.” At first, I tolerated them and mostly ignored them but before I knew it, I began to change. I stopped wearing the clothes I liked because someone made a joke about them. I would stop using bigger words because people didn’t understand them. I wouldn’t share my tastes in music and would listen to music I didn’t like because I so desperately wanted to feel accepted. Part of this is the ignorance of youth but part of it is sharing in the human experience. Walking away from the truth is a disease. It initially mutates from a small infection and the spreads into a full body takeover later in life where it becomes much harder to kill with treatment. Now I’m going to tell you how I overcame these things and how you can do the same thing in 5 easy steps…
Wrong. I still fight this every single day and it’s a real struggle. It feels like I’m sinking down to the bottom of the sea but just when I think I’ve reached the murky bottom, I look up and see a glimmer of light. It starts out faintly; like a golden strand of thread trickling down to the bottom. All I have to do is reach out, grab it, and let it pull me to the surface. This golden thread has a name: the Truth. The truth always wins and you will never drown if you cling to it. Like I said at the beginning of this post, I’ve been struggling to determine the point of this blog; the golden thread is it, folks. I’m telling you the truth whether you want to hear it or not. I’m telling you my truth: what I’ve learned, where I’ve failed, and what I’m still learning. In short, it’s my truth story.
Life is much harder and infinitely more unfulfilling when you try to be something you’re not. I am an organist and a Renaissance man. I like to taste everything. That’s who I am and I don’t apologize for it…any more. Going forward, I’ll be writing more about how to pursue truth in your lives by sharing personal stories of how I learned these lessons. I don’t pretend to know everything, but I know that good will come out of putting the truth first. Maybe there will be an easy 5 step program…I’ll start tomorrow with a blog releasing at 9 AM EST entitled “Just Give Up”. Keep walking this journey with me…you won’t be sorry.