Ian Roth wrote a great guest blog earlier last week and as a result, he took me up on recording a podcast as well. The full video of the podcast can be found above, you can listen to it here, and you can read Ian’s blog below.

5 ½ Qualities of the Spouse You Need, by Ian Roth


Hello again! I am extremely excited to be guest posting on the Graciously Gross blog! John was kind enough to ask me to join him on a recent podcast where we shared relationship stories and ultimately, our journeys to find the women to whom we are married now. If you listened to the episode, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! It was an honor to tell my story in hope that even one person can learn from my mistakes and life lessons. If you haven’t checked out the podcast episode, do it now!


I’d like to take this opportunity to dive a little deeper into my 5 ½ traits that everyone needs to be looking for in a future spouse. As I mentioned on the podcast, I am NOT a dating expert of love guru, so please keep that in mind when reading my advice.


An extremely important trait in someone with whom you may spend the rest of your life is love. Super mind blowing, I know! I’m not talking about the fictitious love that you see in rom-coms, but an undying and unconditional love. A love that has its roots planted so deep that no matter what, this person accepts you and cherishes you for who you are. A love that no matter how many times you mess up, no matter what flaws you may have, this person doesn’t want you to be something that you are not. This person knows who you are at your core and accepts you for it.


Patience is something that my wife is extremely blessed to have. I’m extremely stubborn and my wife has showed more than her fair share of patience during our relationship. I am extremely fortunate to have a patient wife, and this quality is one that you need to seek in a potential spouse. You need someone who is willing to work with you on your journey to becoming a better person, someone who gives you chances after you make mistakes and gives you time to fix things. You need someone who encourages you to be a better person and is right there by your side the entire time.


You need someone who challenges you. By “challenges,” I mean someone who isn’t afraid to call you out on your BS. Someone who pushes you to become a better person, a person who is better than who you alone could become. We need someone who doesn’t roll over and let us do whatever selfish things we want, but steps up to the plate when it’s necessary, and never lets us settle into complacency.


Perhaps another common-sense trait but one that is essential is communication. We need someone who will tell us her feelings, won’t sugar coat things and who isn’t afraid to tell you something over fear that you will get upset. Some of the largest leaps forward in my marriage have come through disagreements (arguments AKA fights) that resulted in me seeing things in a whole new light-a way that I never even considered. We need someone who can open up to us even if it makes us seem vulnerable to the other.


The fifth point is Drive. Drive means that someone is determined to be the best at whatever she decides to do and is always seeking ways to improve in that capacity. This could be in a career or as a stay at home mom. Someone who sets goals and strives to achieve them.

Finally, the half point is one that may not apply to everyone, is parental instinct. In my journey to find my wife, I always knew that I wanted to have children at some point. If this is a choice that we’ve made, look for someone who not only feels the same way but who has potential to be a good role model to a child. Someone who has a nurturing yet firm nature because speaking from experience, you will need both.


Thank you so much for reading this post and I would love to hear your feedback. Whether you agree, disagree or have other ideas, please feel free to share them.